The Winter's Touch by Lorielen
by Lorielen
Summary: sulking Sev, horny Filch, Gryffindor death. Need anything more? =)


Hello, everybody =)  
  
This is a challenge-fic, in response to Alysun's challenge. The guidelines were:  
  
a slash pairing Sev/other character, Luc/OC, Draco/OC or Narcissa/OC a character death Filch falling off of a ladder or being caught perving on a naked prefect's bathroom The main character(es) going over to Muggle London to buy any kind of unsuspicious unneeded item of clothing.  
  
Never mind Severus' character, Alysun. It's just that he is so easy to make fun of... gotta love hysterical Sev.  
  
The Winter's Touch - by Lorielen  
  
Severus Snape scowled at his mirrored image. He hated, hated, hated!, wearing Muggle clothes. Shirts were ok, but pants felt... weird. Specially when one was used to the feel of his nicely shaved legs brushing against one another when he crossed them. But it had to be done. A button of his favourite winter vests was missing.  
  
Snape allowed himself a small grin as he thought of the... circumstances of the loss of the button.  
  
Anyway, he couldn't have that. So he had taken a Saturday afternoon on a trip to Madam Malkin's.  
  
Just to have the bitch telling me that this kind of buttons are too old- fashioned to be found anywhere but in antique stores.  
  
He graciously omitted from memory the sound of her muffled laughter as she had written down an address of a shop in Muggle London where he might find his button. And that was why Severus was stuck on those pants for most likely the rest of the day. It was damn cold outside...  
  
He looked at the mirror again. Hey, if he turned a little to the side the pants clung quite nicely to his hips and butt... Severus mentally smacked himself in order to remind himself that he hated all things Muggle, and made his way out of Hogwarts so that he'd be able to Disapparate to the Leaky Cauldron.  
  
-*-  
  
The trip to Muggle London didn't, at any rate, improve Severus' opinion on the non-magical people. The fact that he didn't get his vests fixed, added to his irritation and transformed buying a tube ticket into an incredibly complex task - damn those pieced of paper Muggles called money! -, causing several Muggles to complain loudly. Hexing them wasn't an option, so the anger built up inside Severus and when he finally got back to Hogwarts he was on the verge of flipping his lid.  
  
For some reason, the thought that students were a valid target for angst- relieving made Severus smile. Unfortunately it was Saturday, so he wouldn't be able to yell at Hufflepuffs for making a mess of themselves. But he could always patrol the halls and scare some first-years or punish a few Gryffindors for no reason. On a cold winter afternoon, everybody was sure to be inside of the castle. Patrolling the halls held some specially good memories to Severus, and not all of them were linked to students. The halls were Argus'... his Argus'. Severus' eyes lit up and a dreamy smile curled the corners of his mouth as the vision of the Caretaker floated before him, and he set off to patrolling. Filch did provide him much better ways to relieve angst...  
  
Taking the left on a corner at South Tower, Severus heard someone laughing wickedly to oneself. The sound pricked on his ears and he increased his pace, dozens of painful detentions filling his mind. Had he noticed where he was heading to, he'd know that he was about to hit his nose on the Prefect Girls' bathroom door. But all he could see from where he was standing was Argus Filch doubled over near the said door. The sight of his beloved on such an inviting position made Severus forget all about the to-receive-detention student, and he quickly crossed the distance between himself and the Caretaker. Only to find out that Filch had been the one to wickedly laugh to himself as he had his right eye on the keyhole.  
  
It was the last strap. Severus cleaned his throat loudly, maintaining his face completely stoic. He couldn't, however, prevent a crimson tone to creep up it.  
  
"How could you?" He hissed as soon as Filch had turned around. "Severus..." Snape didn't want to hear about it. "How could you do something like this?!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. "Perving on... on... Alohomorra!" The door bumped open to reveal naked Cho Chang, who let out a girlie scream as she reached for a towel. "A girl!" Severus' scream was equally girlie. "Oh, sod off Severus." Filch growled. "Not like I'm gay or something." "But.. but... all those nights..." Snape whined. "A man can get lonely. Gotta use what he has at hand." Filch shrugged. "Bastard!"  
  
Severus squealed and turned away to leave so that neither Filch nor the girl would see the tears welling up in his eyes.  
  
Used.  
  
His feet took him home, to his dungeons. He chose to go to his classroom instead of his room, for he didn't want to pass by all students in the Common Hall and having them asking why was he doing dressed in Muggle clothing and had his eyeliner miserably ruined. Yes. No-one would come willingly to the Potions classroom on a Saturday.  
  
Snape took his seat and sulked. The world just wasn't fair. His Filchey didn't love him back! He stared down at his crowded desk. Bottles of all shapes filled with liquids of almost every existing colour lined up there, neatly organised so as to form a degradé. He grabbed a dust coloured one, and on his rage it reminded him of the Caretaker. In a quick movement Severus threw it across the room with all his strength and watched with pleasure as it hit the wall, crumbling to thousands of tiny pieces, its liquid spilling everywhere.  
  
Like Scarlett O'Hara, Snape found throwing things across the room to be highly therapeutic. Given this he proceeded to randomly pick a bottle and flung it, aiming so that he'd hit on top of where the last one had crashed.  
  
He really didn't care when someone knocked at the door. This resulted on Hermione Granger pocking her bushy head inside the classroom.  
  
"Erm... Professor Snape..." "Piss off." He told her dryly as he threw another bottle across the room, hitting exactly where he had aimed. Yes, go Snape! "Yeah Hermione let's go."  
  
The girl shook Harry's arm off and left the green-eyed boy and Ron standing on the doorway as she carefully took two steps inside the room.  
  
"Professor... it's about our poisons assign-"  
  
Flinching at the sound of her voice, Snape miscalculated and missed his spot by two feet. He eventually turned his glare to Hermione, only to see her eyes widen at the sight of his face.  
  
"Remove your sorry ass from my sight NOW, Granger." He hissed as he picked a bigger bottle and closed his left eye to improve his aim, a tip of the tongue stuck out in concentration. "But Professor..." "Die, bitch!"  
  
With that he flung the bottle towards the figure of the annoying student. He watched in awe as it flipped vertically over and over and hit Hermione between her eyes, shattering to pieces, many of which penetrated her skull. The girl's body fell backwards.  
  
Snape just watched, unable to move. Not like he would, anyway. Meanwhile Harry and Ron hurried inside the room, kneeled by Granger's corpse and Potter, who possessed minimum grey matter between his ears, felt for a pulse. Finding none, he glared angrily at the Potions Master. "Oh my God, you killed Herm!" "You bastard!" Ron shouted indignantly.  
  
Snape merely shrugged.  
  
"She was an annoying, pig-headed little bitch for all I'm concerned." "She was a student! Don't you have a heart?!" This was noble Harry's line, of course. He had his struggling friend in his arms. Ron was all too busy swearing and trying to get to the Potions Master.  
  
"Argus has just shattered it to pieces." Snape muttered resentfully.  
  
Ron stopped struggling and blinked. "Argus as in... Argus Filch?"  
  
Harry decided that Snape had gone bananas. In love with Filch, and then killing Hermione...  
  
"Yes, Mr. Weasley, for once you have said something accurate in my class."  
  
Severus asked himself why was he opening up with two of the most annoying Gryffindors. Well, it didn't really matter. He was about to be thrown out of Hogwarts, anyway. Or not. He searched his pocket for his wand, cursing in a low voice those damned Muggle pants once again.  
  
"Petrificus totalus!"  
  
It was enough for Snape to paralyse the two boys. He calmly got up and headed to his back drawer. Quickly getting hold of the potion needed, he strode to Granger's corpse's side. Kneeling down, he lifted her head and pulled the pieces of glass. Then he pushed a whitish liquid down her throat. The bleeding stopped, and she started to cough. He waved a hand at Harry and Ron's still bodies, murmuring.  
  
"Finite Incantem!"  
  
He dragged her limp body next to the dizzy boys, and stepped back.  
  
"Oblivious!"  
  
As the dynamic trio shook their heads in confusion, Snape performed a cleaning charm on his face. He kind of regretted helping Granger, but he didn't feel like loosing his job. And if he could not kill Gryffindors, he could at least take many points from them and make their lives miserable.  
  
He sat down on his desk, facing the three now standing students.  
  
"Yes, Miss Granger, what about your poisons assignment?"  
  
He spoke slyly as he crossed his legs. Hey, leather felt nice against skin too.  
  
And it clings to my hips quite nicely. Once Filchey gets a proper look at me...  
  
-*- 


End file.
